Connection is one of my core values and something that I bring into everything I do. There is a beautiful quote by SC Lourie, the poet and founder of Butterflies and Pebbles, about how she craves connection more than anything else.

“As I get older, I crave connection beyond it all.
More than favours, or bliss.
I yearn for connection, my soul quietly always.
Just to know, to feel in the blood flowing through me that I am seen and not seen through.
That I am truly seen and not projected on.
That I am me, the human being that I am is seen rather than people seeing what they want to see.
And that I see them, truly see them.
That there we are.
No I and no you.
Just as we are.
In our sadness, our joy, our chaos, and our peace, connected.
One. Hearts naked. Connection.”

Let’s deal with the last part first, not wanting people to see what they want to see. The bad news is that we have absolutely NO control of how people see us, and therefore NO control over what they want to see.

We are NOT them and they are NOT us.

The good news is that we can accept the fact that we have no control over other people, by telling ourselves that everyone is doing the best they can (including us), that we all chose to come to Earth at this time and we all need to experience certain things in order to grow, and that we all have different filters or ways of seeing others, that depend on how we were brought up and the life experiences we have had.

Now for the first part: I long to be seen and not seen through, seen, and not projected on. So how do we do this?

Well, nearly 6 years ago, I decided that I was going to show up as my authentic self, to be really seen for who I am, for who my soul is. I was able to take this step as I had been working on my own personal development for nearly 10 years prior to this and had experienced a lot of heart-wrenching situations, mainly with my close family, but also with people who I thought were close friends.

During these times, I was forced to go really, really deep, and face all my fears – fear of rejection and injustice, which then led to feelings of anger, deep sadness and frustration.

Knowing that I had no control over others, I chose to work on accepting myself with all my flaws (meditation and journaling helped me greatly) and doing what I felt was right (and therefore counteracting rejection and injustice).

This took time, but the great thing was that I also stepped out of my comfort zone during this period, enrolled on a few training courses, went away on my own for 2 weeks and started connecting with like-minded souls.

Baring all seemed easier and easier and became essential for me to grow.

To my surprise, in doing so, the people who had been holding me back moved out of my life as if by magic, and those who are my tribe moved in, to make it much brighter and lighter, and to encourage me to step into my light.

BEING SEEN AND NOT SEEN THROUGH can be done by practising active listening, a technique that forms the basis of successful relationships, requiring you to listen with all your senses and conveying your interest to the speaker through verbal and non-verbal cues (maintaining eye contact, smiling, saying Mmm hmm, for example). If you actively listen to someone, chances are that they will do the same for you!

BEING SEEN AND NOT PROJECTED ON involves you questioning things that others may say to you that just don’t fit. Instead of asking them WHY, which automatically leads to a justification or even an argument, ask them WHAT MAKES THEM SAY THAT.

This opens up the conversation to a constructive discussion, during which you will more often than not be able to speak your truth and be heard, and therefore get rid of any projections coming from the other person. If this doesn’t work, just remember that they are simply projections, and a reflection of the other person’s state of mind, not reality.

In my experience, if that person is here to stay with you, your truth will be heard and accepted, and if not, well…

I used to be afraid of having no friends, of being alone, of not being liked/loved for who I am and have to smile now when I realize that letting go of these fears has actually brought me more friends who show me that they like/love me for who I am and encourage me to go even further on my path of self-development.

If you’re longing to be seen for who you really are, I can help you. My healing and mentoring services are tailored to your own specific needs and desires, no one else’s. I can take you from feeling lost and burnt-out to confident and at peace, from feeling so much doubt and dutybound to fulfilled and full of self-love, from feeling overwhelmed by your emotions and fragile to feeling free and on the right path, your path.

I’m just a call away – please take that leap of faith and book yourself in today.

I see you xxx

When I first discovered EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) back in 2018, I was so amazed at its power that I trained to become a certified practitioner. I’d previously had therapy to help me heal from a slipped disc at the bottom of my spine and had also trained in NLP (neurolinguistic programming) as part of my diploma in Performance Coaching. But this took things to the next level… or rather it took them a lot deeper.

Here’s the reason why: whenever we experience a traumatic event (it could be a single event or something that is repeated), our body registers it somewhere, together with the emotions that we felt at that particular moment in time.

As the majority of us are extremely resilient, even if we don’t admit it, we can often tend to ‘just get on with life’… until life decides to remind us of a particular traumatic event, in the form of a limiting belief, lack of self-esteem, self-confidence and/or self-love, for example. Depending on what we experienced and on our individual capacity to heal, “traditional” coaching can be enough to accept this, process this and move forwards.

In my experience, there are times when more traditional coaching methods simply don’t work for deeply embedded trauma, fear, or stress because the obstacle pops up further down the path the client is on. In this blog, I’d like to share the origins of EFT, the benefits of having an EFT session and how it works.

The Origins of EFT

EFT was founded in 1991 by Gary Craig, a student of the late Roger Callahan, the father of tapping therapy. Callahan was one of the founders of energy psychology, which can be described as “acupuncture without needles”, and is a combination of exposure therapy and meridian point stimulation. If you don’t know what exposure therapy is, it involves exposing the patient/client to the source of anxiety or its context, without the intention to cause any danger.

As I’ve already mentioned, traumatic events trapped in our mind/body can have a negative impact on our life, and it is believed that energy psychology techniques can help us release these events more rapidly than if we simply talk about them. The process of tapping on meridian points is intended to send signals to the brain, to help it to regulate any physical and emotional reactions affecting our health and well-being.

The Benefits of EFT

Tapping on acupuncture points is thought to help stabilise cortisol levels and balance the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, thus reducing symptoms of depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress, among other issues.

It has been found that EFT leads to a 68% decrease in physical problems, such as pain and disease, and a 45% decrease in psychological problems, like anxiety and depression, fear, and phobia.

The results can be very quick, and it sometimes only takes one EFT session to bust through a client’s blockages and move forwards. Here’s what some of my EFT clients have to say:

Carolanne “My session with you was enlightening, unexpected and deeply healing.”

Sarah “Sarah guided and supported me beautifully throughout the process of releasing the energy of some very painful childhood experiences, and I felt so much lighter afterwards.”

Lucille “Straight after our session, I felt my energy begin to move again, releasing blockages that were stuck in my body.”

How EFT Works

So, how does EFT work? One of the wonders of EFT is that you can practice it alone, without any former training, whenever you feel stressed or anxious about something relatively minor. You can access my introductory video explaining what it is and how to do an EFT sequence here:

The steps below are to be followed if you are doing this alone. They will vary if you have an EFT session with me, as I’m trained to deal with trauma and much deeper issues. Part of my expertise is the ability to create many different reminder phrases and introduce them at the right time during the tapping process.

I’m also trained in making sure that you’re safe during and after the session and dealing with extremely intense emotions that can come up while tapping certain meridian points. When working with me, you will repeat everything I say and will be guided throughout the whole process. I also use some NLP techniques to identify and get to the heart of the problem and the trapped emotions.

The 7 Step Self-Help Process

There are 7 steps to the self-help process, and it’s important to follow them in this order:

Recognize the problem: First of all, you must identify your problem. It can be physical or emotional, but focus on the issue that is troubling you, for example feeling stressed about losing clients.
Create a reminder phrase: After identifying the issue, make a short phrase that summarises your problem. Fix it in your mind, so you get focused during the rest of the process, e.g. I’m really stressed about losing clients.
Rate the issue: Now, rate the intensity of your problem on a 0 – 10 scale and understand how important the issue is. 10 indicates that your stress is through the roof. It’s not uncommon for my clients to begin with an intensity of 8 or 9.
Set up an affirmation: Create a self-affirming statement, which is positive. Repeat the statement frequently so that you will feel better when you think about your problem. For example, “Even though I am really stressed about losing clients, I deeply and completely accept myself”. Repeat the statement as you tap on the meridian points mentioned below, in step 5.
Perform the tapping sequence: The tapping process should cover all 8 meridian points of your body in the following order. You will begin with the top of the eyebrow, then move to the side of the eye, under the eye, under the nose, under the chin, under the collar bone, under the arm, and finally the top of the head. The tapping must be very gentle, but it should be constant and firm taps. Use your index and middle fingers to tap.

Re-rate the issue: Now, rate your issue on the same scale from 0 – 10. The aim of this reassessment is to see how much better you feel and to ideally reach an intensity of 1 or 2 maximum.
Repeat the process if necessary: If you still struggle with the same issue, you can either change your affirmation statement with some more positive sentence and/or repeat the whole process again.

I only recommend doing EFT on your own for relatively recent, non-traumatic events. Click here for my latest video called Tapping Into Joy, which will guide you through the emotional scale to reach a feeling of joy. If you’re struggling with childhood trauma, intense stress or deep-rooted fear, for example, then please reach out to me, either by sending me a message or booking your SOUL call, a 30-minute call to explore how I can best help you.

Connection

The Origins of EFT

The Benefits of EFT

How EFT Works

The 7 Step Self-Help Process

Get in Touch!